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When you change how you deal with your adult children they too are forced to change.How they change isn’t predictable, but they will change. Initially they will probably escalate their aggressive behaviors to get you to return to the old status quo, no matter how awful that really was for everyone. It’s hard to stand up to the drunk or the druggie when they have no restraints on what they will say or do.The conversation began easily enough, “My brother is bleeding our parents into the poor house with his unending demands for money – money to support his addictions – and they don’t seem able to stop giving it to him, even though he isn’t getting any better. ” Or we hear from the parents themselves, “How can I get my spouse to stop giving our adult daughter money she just spends on booze or drugs?Her promises are worthless and the demands endless.” It’s not an uncommon condition.First, it’s necessary to keep in mind what you already know: your child will bleed you dry and out onto the street before they will stop exploiting you. Cut them off and they may in fact decide to die rather than clean up. have success rates of less than 10% over two years.
Funds intended to benefit the grandchildren disappear without benefiting anyone. Though it takes toughness that’s hard to muster and support which is even harder to find, there are alternatives.
Parents are living longer, some adult children make childishness a career, and it isn’t easy to say no to a son or daughter, regardless of their age.
Then add in the grandchildren, hostages held for ransom as your child essentially blackmails you into supporting their drug and/or alcohol abuse: “Give me the money or I will kill myself,” or “they will starve,” or “we’ll be on the streets,” is the implied or actual threat, yet the money does no good.
The cycle continues until someone dies or there isn’t anything left to extort. It means finding the courage to face the reality without being swept away by understandable emotions. The most destructive belief most of us have held at one time or another is that alcohol and drug abuse is an incurable disease over which the addict or alcoholic has no control.
Believing this, how can any parent deny support to a sick child?